How Far I'll Go

On Repeat: Moana's How Far I'll Go. Don't judge me but I went through a Moana phase in 2016. And when I heard this song again a few days ago, it captivated me in a much different sense. Like I'm hearing it with fresh ears. 

This song has always reminded me of my childhood. As a kid, I was known for my dreamy musings. My mother would often catch me perched at the top of the staircase staring out into space. And when she dared to ask me what I was doing, I peppered her with questions about the wind, the sky, the soil and all the elements in between. I was that 8-year-old girl wondering what's beyond that "line where the sky meets the sea" and longing to cross it. That line represented everything I wanted and couldn't have.

I remember all those abandoned dreams, forgotten wishes, and rekindled passions. Dreams of leaving everything I've known, starting over somewhere, and doing the opposite of what everyone expected me to do. Dreams of marrying that boy in 6th grade and riding off into the sunset. Dreams of two children chasing after butterflies in a yard somewhere in the suburbs. Dreams of traveling the world with nothing but the clothes on my back. Dreams of being a hollywood actor, a superhero, a published author, a billionaire.

Moana's song resonates with me even now because though I'm no longer a child, a voice inside still sings a tune different from my reality. Though my head is telling me that I should be grateful for everything I have, my heart is telling me that life could be so much more. Though I'm living a life other people could only dream of, I can't shake the feeling that I have not yet crossed that "line" and a little apprehensive at the thought that I may never learn what's beyond it. 

Perhaps we could never get rid of the dreamer inside of us. Perhaps...

Line.