That Thing Called Love

God always has a funny way of teaching me things. Read on and you will find out why.

Ptr. Carter Conlon shared from the heart this morning about loving the unlovable (for lack of a better word). I immediately conjured images of people who are angry at everything. Every little thing sets them off. They criticize the government, they hate Wall Street and everything it represents, they believe that the media is the root of all evil, they scoff at the wealthy and hate the poor for their entitlements, and they couldn't stand anyone who disagrees with their opinions. Nothing pleases these people and I absolutely have zero tolerance for them. And not just them. I'm also peeved by rude people on the train or careless drivers on the expressway. I have no sympathy for women who steal other women's husbands nor husbands who cheat on their wives. I can't stand individuals who think and act like everybody else is inferior to them just because they look better or speak better. Whenever I come across these personalities, I just find it so hard to be nice that I always end up ignoring them for fear that I might say something utterly reprehensible and regrettable. And here comes Ptr. Carter reminding me of Jesus' commandment to LOVE. And this truth has so convicted me that I asked God's forgiveness for my lack of compassion and asked Him to fill me with this kind of love that makes a difference.

After the church service, I felt a new sense of freedom. I decided that no matter how difficult, I am going to love even the most despicable person on the street. And what do you know, it was not even 10 minutes into that decision that God decided to test my resolve.

My friend and I went to one of our favorite places to eat lunch. The servers there are always nice and the food is always prepared to my satisfaction. As we were waiting for our turn to be served, the customer in front of us, an Asian lady in her late 50s, was being very rude to the server.

Old lady: I want my salmon well done. Do you know how to do it?

Server: Yes, I do. Don't worry.

Old lady: Do I have to stand here and wait while you prepare it?

Server: Yes, you could wait.

Old lady: But I don't want to wait here for a long time? Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Server: If you don't want to stand here and wait, you can go to your table and I will deliver your food to you.

Old lady: Okey, I'll wait at my table.

I wish I hadn't heard that conversation. I felt so bad for the server because based on my experience with him, he knows his job very well. I was so tempted to put that lady in her place and defend the server. But I held my tongue.

The old lady didn't go to her table. She decided to hang by the cashier to wait for her order. When she got her food, she went to her table and that's when we approached the cashier to pay for ours. The cashier is a very nice lady with a very pleasant disposition. But as we handed her our money, she told us about how the old woman was being very disrespectful by complaning about everything and making generalizations about Latinas. Since she is a Latina, she didn't like the words she heard from that customer. I didn't want to fuel her anger so I told her that some people just don't know their boundaries and that I admire her for keeping her cool. So far so good.

At the dining area, I heard the lady say something to me and I purposefully ignored her and pretended that I didn't hear her. So she talked to my friend instead. Thank God for my friend's congeniality. At the back of my mind, I was praying that she wouldn't come to our table and have a conversation with us after learning that we're going to the same church. Alas, it was not to be! Towards the end of our meal, she did approach us.

Old lady: Are you attending the 3PM service?

My friend: No. But we're going at 6.

Old lady: I will try to attend that one too. Where are you guys going to sit? I left a sticky note in my seat. Will you keep it there so I will have a seat when I get there at 6?

My friend: Uh, but we're not attending the 3PM service.

Old lady: I know that. You didn't understand what I just said. Will you keep the note on my seat so I'd have a seat at 6?

Me: But, how are we going to do that?

Old lady: My God! You still don't understand? Why are you so obsessed about the idea that I'm trying to ask you for a favor? And will you please stop moving your fork like that, it's bad table manners. I'm just telling you this like an older sister.

Me: Uh, thanks for your advise but I'm afraid we still don't understand what you were trying to tell us about your seat.

Old lady: Why are you so paranoid? You're still thinking that I'm asking you for a favor even if I'm not. And you're still waving that fork. You have no table manners.

Me: I know that. My mom told me the same thing.

Old lady: But I'm telling you this like an older sister. You have no manners. You need to be transforned.

At that point, the woman has managed to push all of my buttons and I was trying to keep it all in out of respect for her age. In fairness to her, I was really absent-mindedly waving my fork as I was talking. And when she pointed it out, I simply kept waving it in defiance.

Me: I'm sorry but I'm trying really hard to be nice and respectful here. We were quietly having a private lunch and it was you who approached us for something so I don't get why you're critiquing my table manners.

Old lady: Because you have no manners.

Me: Ok, I don't have any manners but I'm sure you have a lot of them. 

Old lady: You need to change.

Me: Yes I do. I'm such a bad person and I need to change.

Old lady: You are not a believer. You need to be transformed.

She must've heard the sarcasm on my voice because after giving me a sharp look she left.

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. I should've acted differently. Considering everything that took place, it's pretty obvious that there's something mentally wrong with that lady. I should've seen the signs. And I should've been more sensitive. But what's done is done. God presented me with a situation to test my resolve to love people who rub me the wrong way and I failed. Miserably.

I'm not proud of myself. I have all these opinions about certain people when I shouldn't. What kind of a Christian am I? Thankfully, God is nothing like me. He is understanding, merciful, and His love never runs out. There is enough love in His heart for people like me. I know I could never love like that. But then again there were a lot of things I couldn't do and the only way I was able to do them is when He enabled me. So yes, I believe that even if I couldn't love like He does, I could let Him love through me.

Hopefully, the next time I have an encounter with the same person (or God forbid, someone worse), I'd be more, uh, loving?

Love is complicated like that. Or not.