A Letter to my 24-Year-Old Self

My Dear 24-Year-Old Self,

It is Rosh Hashanah in 2017 and I'm sitting in bed thinking about you because what else do you do on a 4-day weekend. If my memory is not failing me, today in the year you're in would be the day you think you're quite taken by a man. He is a pastor who comes from a long line of pastors, a worship leader, an artist, and a prolific musician. He sends funny (and witty) text messages, loves all the things you love (e.g., traveling, reading, writing, singing, dreaming, dogs, movies, Jollibee, KFC, cheese, etc.), and says that he thinks you're "The One"; although you will not feel or think the same way about him. 

Over the next couple of months, he would frequently travel (by boat) from his hometown in the southern part of the country to visit you. He would express his desire to strike a friendship while courting you at the same time. He would buy you sweet nothings; not the expensive kind, but the kind that makes you smile. He would write songs and poems for you and make you swoon.

But it will all end. Badly. Not by his doing but yours. Your immaturity would cause you to interpret a gesture as something inappropriate. It could be your lack of exposure to relationships of this sort or simply your naiveté that will cause you to break his heart. Yes, you will break his heart and not in a subtle way. You will say to his face, "Please go. I don't want to ever see you again." You do have a flair for the dramatic! You would stop taking his calls, stop texting him, and after a few days you would change your number so he couldn't reach you. 

Your friend, the one who introduced you both, would tell you how his life will turn upside down because of the heartache you will cause. But you would defend yourself vehemently and say that it was his fault because he disrespected you and you would not tolerate that. You see, up until a few weeks ago, you would keep on believing that as well. But I think you have been wrong.

As I look back on that chapter, I realize that he was an upstanding man whose intentions were pure. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have respected our wishes to not be bothered ever again. Of course, he made a gesture that was not to our liking, but was it really inappropriate? Given the depth of the relationship we had with him? Not quite a boyfriend but he was definitely not in the friend zone either. Several friends who heard this story said that we have overreacted. I didn't believe it then, but I do now.

But don't worry. Just enjoy the moments you have with him; the "kilig" text messages, the movie dates, and the sweet songs. Even though you would never really fall in love with him the way he fell for you, getting to know him will not be a waste of time. You will learn much in the process.

What happened was an unfortunate thing because breaking someone's heart is not something to be proud of. But it had to happen. When you get to my age, you will realize that you have been immature, calloused, and unforgiving. But there are no regrets. You would be glad to know that he is now married with children. He is still pastoring a church in the northern part of the Philippines, he is happy and content with his life (based on the last message he sent me).

In September 2017, you would still be single, juggling a career, ministry, and social life, trying to make a difference in your generation and obey God the best way you know how, busy making travel plans, hunting for the best places to eat ramen and dessert, spoiling your niece and nephews, making memories with old and new friends, and enjoying every moment of being young (it's a relative term, after all) and single in the Big Apple. Yes, single. But you wouldn't want it any other way (for now, at least).

Everything happens for a reason.

Love,

Your future self

Single. Nothing's wrong with that.