Not So Obvious

“Isn’t it obvious?”

A friend screamed at me with a look of incredulity and exasperation. It’s a long story. But suffice it to say that what she deemed obvious may actually be. But not to me. I’m not willing to make that same conclusion, at least.

Assumptions are not truths. People tend to forget that. Over the years, I have learned (the hard way) that attributing color to something that’s black and white could lead to disappointments, breed bitterness and animosity, and often break hearts. Overanalyzing a situation or trying to uncover the hidden agenda that people tuck under their sleeves doesn’t do anyone any favors. But, whether we like it or not, intentions are bound to be misinterpreted depending on one’s perspectives and pre-conceived notions. People often rely on body language and facial expressions to get contextual clues about what a person is not saying directly. But such cues could mean different things to different people so they aren't that reliable, are they?

It is easy to say that all these could be avoided if people would simply verbalize what they mean. Unfortunately, it’s a lot more complicated than that. For one, it’s hard for some to talk about (or show in non-vague terms) the true nature of their feelings, or the message they want to convey with their actions and would often count on other people to “get a clue”. Whether its due to upbringing, past experiences, or cultural background, the bottomline is not all are bold enough to be transparent about their motives. And who could fault them for that?

Personally, I try to be as clear as I could when I’m relating with people. But I admit that I've had and probably would continue to have a more challenging time being upfront with my emotions or motivations in certain circumstances. And people have mistaken the meaning of my actions in the past. It's something I've learned not to dwell on because I'm aware that I share the blame. And besides, if people want to view my motives in a way that suits their fancy or satisfies their worldview, that’s their burden to bear. I refuse to do the same, however. It’s just easier that way. 

The (screaming) friend I referred to earlier posited that assumptions are often starting points, like a hypothesis in a scientific process, and that having them is not a bad thing. I don’t necessarily view them negatively either, just that they could have unpleasant consequences. Consequences that I’d rather not have on my plate.

Have you been burned by wrong assumptions?

When you see snapshots of someone's life, don't assume you know the whole story.