Do They Matter?

Is there anyone exempted from caring about what people think about them? I thought I was one of the rare few until I remembered that I did care (still do, in fact). There are people in my life, people who matter, whose opinions I value. 

In another post, I shared how I only had a few friends growing up. It’s not because no one wanted to be friends with me, it’s me not wanting to be friends with them. I was intentional with the people I surrounded myself with. I have my parents to thank for that. Their counsel was something I took to heart. When they said friends could make a difference, good or bad, in my life, I believed them.

They no longer give as much advise as they used to. When I left home over a decade ago, I think they have accepted the fact that I’m a responsible adult and able to make decisions on my own. What they don’t know is that in addition to God’s word, I still hear echoes of their voices when I’m about to make life-changing choices. I thank God for the way they raised me, every day. 

My sisters also share in that distinction. A lot of who I am could be attributed to the years I shared with them; the almost daily fights and unsolicited fashion advice were annoying but they were priceless. I don’t buy a dress, a pair of shoes, or any type of bling without thinking about what they would think of my choices. Would they love my loot enough to sneak past me to “borrow” them?

Lastly, my close friends. As a child, I didn’t care about what the other kids, in school or in the neighborhood, thought about me. I know it sounds obnoxious but their opinions on stuff didn’t interest me. Not because I thought them inferior, they just didn’t matter enough. So when a few dared to call me names and criticized what they could about me, I simply gave them a dose of their own medicine (two can play that game). 

As an adult, I’ve had my fair share of people who thought they can meddle in my personal affairs without being given the privilege to do so. They could sound well-meaning and some of them probably do care; but it could be annoying since they think that when they give their two cents you’ll take them because, “Why wouldn’t you?”

But the people in my circle, they’re the ones I have consciously given the right to speak into my life. When one said I was too mean, I toned down my rhetoric; when one said I was a bit tactless, I watched my words; when one said she prayed for me to find God, I decided to be found. 

It’s not a bad idea to care about how people see you. We don’t live in a bubble. We need to be open to other people’s opinions. But it is nonetheless important to learn how to filter the ones that add no value to our lives from the ones that could help us grow.

Toxic relationships, for example, the ones fraught with negative words and emotions, should be purged from our lives (unless you’re married to them; that does narrow your options). So single people, if the man/woman you’re dating make you cry, feel untrustworthy, small, insecure, and always on the defensive, think very carefully before putting on that ring. Toxic people and their toxic words not only break your heart, they cut your soul, and damage your spirit. 

However, regardless of whose thoughts, advice, or opinion it is, our identity, our security, our self-worth, should not hinge on what they say to us, no matter how well-meaning they are. All opinions are valid but not all of them matter. In the end, there is only One Voice that counts, we would do well to listen to Him.

If that’s the path you’ve chosen, walk it.