Change

Change could be inconvenient, sometimes painful, in certain cases uncomfortable, yet often necessary. Growth is predicated by change; I daresay one can’t happen without the other. Maturity from infancy to adulthood hinges on change. 

The change process could be long, languorous, and laborious. Or it could happen in a moment. One day, you are sure about where you’re headed with your life and then the next you wonder what you were thinking. I’ve had several of those moments when things seem to be certain and clear cut and then... boom!

The unpredictability of change scares some people. A friend is in a job she’s not happy with because it is familiar. The thought of moving to another company, another city, working with new people, and having a different set of responsibilities stresses her out. Having the constancy and security of a comfort zone has its appeal; I get it. However, when it saps your energy and robs you of your joy, shouldn’t you be moving on? Don’t get me wrong. There are scenarios where you need to stay and make it work; a marriage, for example. But you are not married to your job. Shouldn’t it be easier to say goodbye?

A conversation with my boyfriend concerning the decision to change hairstyles particularly stuck with me as I contemplated on what to write about this topic. I love my long hair because it gives me a measure of fexibility to look different depending on how I feel at the moment. I can wear it down, up in a high pony, a bun, or pigtails. I can sport big curls, kinky curls, beach curls, or simply straight. But I never had any problems chopping off my long hair when I felt like changing something up in my life. Not only is it easy to do, it is not permanent; hair grows back.

However, major life changes don’t offer much by way of certainty. You can’t uproot your entire life, move halfway across the globe, and not expect discomfort; and often the difficulties could linger for years. Unlike hair, your old life with its familiar comforts doesn't simply "grow back". When I moved from Cebu to New York, I cried myself to sleep every night for a year, contemplated the unthinkable, and wished I never made the move. But because I’m stubborn and I had a keen awareness that this is where God led me, I stayed; and I’m glad I did. 

It helps that change fuels me. It is exciting and adventurous; it makes me feel alive. Perhaps, the steady rhythm of my life growing up made me appreciate change more than other people. I didn’t have any qualms leaving an unhealthy work environment, shutting out people whose company had toxic effects in my life, and leaving my comfort zone (including the people I love and care about) in order to pursue my dreams. There were a few unintended and unhappy consequences with some of my decisions, but I have no regrets. 

Three days ago, I attended a church service in my hometown where they were giving out individualized prophetic words for the new year. It’s always exciting to hear from God in this manner: through people who have been given the gift of prophesy. I didn’t have expectations; just the eager anticipation of what’s in store. Going into the service, I praised God for the wonderful things He’s done in my life but I also knew He’s about to do something amazing. And the word I heard (and received) that day was a confirmation of what He’s been speaking to me for an entire year: Change is coming! 

Change could be erratic and ambiguous and precarious; but it’s also full of promise. You can’t keep writing on a full piece of paper. At some point, you need to turn the page and start writing on a blank space and that’s a good thing. A blank space is like coming up for a breath of much needed air after a long dive into the depths. Ah, I could use a blank space right about now!

Come up for air.