Juliet

Whenever I write about my mother, it’s often in the context of how she helped shape me into the person I am. But her personal journey is fascinating by itself. So let me tell you her story, Juliet’s story. 

*** 

Juliet is the 11th of 12 siblings. But she never knew the first 9 of her brothers and sisters because they died as children (most of them before their 12th birthday) due to the harshness of life. The 10th almost did not make it had they not moved from the farm to the city to get him proper medical care for his bad heart.  

When her father died, Juliet’s mother was left to fend for herself. The acres of farm land they left behind were useless at that time because they didn’t know anything about farming and they couldn’t sell it because it was in a remote area where developers have not reached yet. So her mother did everything she could to support them the best way she knew how. 

Juliet was a girl not suited for her time. When most of her peers dreamed about marrying a wealthy man who would sweep them off their feet, she burned the candle on both ends. She was set on learning everything she can, get a degree, buy a house, and give her mother a better life. 

In fourth grade, Juliet’s mother asked her to quit school and find a job so she could help support the family. But she refused to give up on her dreams. So at 10 years old, she juggled work, studies, and helped her mom take care of her two surviving siblings who were sickly. She got by with help from classmates who lent her their books in exchange for having their assignments and school projects done. 

A typical teenager or young adult would hang out with friends and enjoy life like there's no tomorrow; but Juliet was anything but typical. She had her path figured out and she sought to achieve one goal after another with a laser focus. So instead of parties, she spent a lot of time in the library where she also worked part time to finance her studies. 

When she graduated from college, she intended to put all of her energy in the workforce and save for the future. But for all her foresight and proactiveness, she did not see one thing coming: falling in love. 

She married the boy she knew since first grade. They met at 6 years old but didn’t fall in love until they turned 21. Their love story is one for the books. And anyone who hears it would think it’s the kind of thing that only happens in the movies. But despite the fairy tale romance she found herself in, marriage and children changed her path in a way she didn’t anticipate. She considered herself blessed to have chosen a good, honest, and upstanding man. But she didn’t count on keeping the children in line, managing the household, budgeting the finances, and keeping the family together essentially by herself for a number of years because her husband was assigned to work in a different city and could only be home once every few months. 

Yet, despite the challenges (including a stubborn and self-directed daughter who gave her a headache every chance she could get), Juliet saw all the fruits of her labor and sacrifice at the age of 36 when she checked off every goal she set out to achieve before the age of 40. She raised 3 girls she’s proud of and she continues to be a constant source of encouragement and inspiration in their lives. 

Like anyone who’s had a taste of both the good and bad in life, Juliet’s definition of success and happiness evolved over the years. She could’ve secured a prominent position in a big financial firm and climbed up the corporate ladder; with her tenacity and ambition, she would’ve achieved it without difficulty. But she wanted to set an example for her children: wealth, prestige, and fame does not guarantee happiness. She wanted to show them that it is important to do something that does not merely make a difference in their bank accounts but would make the world a better place; and to do it with a smile and a spring in their steps. So despite offers from companies who promised to double her salary, she stayed in the nonprofit organization she’s worked in for years because she believed that’s where she made the most impact in her community. 

Juliet is retired now and has 3 grandchildren she dotes on. In her 60s, she looks back on her life with fondness and no regrets. She still has dreams, but mostly for her daughters and grandkids. Until now, she thinks of them more than herself. 

*** 

My Dearest Mams, 

You are an amazing woman, wife, mother, and friend and I look up to you with an admiration that words could never capture. 

As a child I didn’t understand the discipline you had me endure despite your best efforts to make me see the reasons behind them. The fault is entirely mine. I was a rebel and I would’ve turned out differently from how I am now had you not brought me up the way you did. I was uncontrollable, highly opinionated, questioned everything, and my unbridled energy was a constant source of terror for you because I got hurt more than the average child. You knew that if left to my own devices, I would’ve grown up disrespectful of authority, challenge every precept, and coupled with an impulsive nature who knows where I would’ve ended up. But with God's help, you were able to "train  up this child in the way she should go", and for that I am utterly grateful. With every decision I have made, every temptation I resisted, each wrong turn I avoided, you were the voice in my head telling me to pray, not compromise my values, and do the right thing. Despite raising my sisters and me, practically by yourself for most of our childhood, you have done well. 

You have taught me to treat everyone equally and with kindness regardless of their station in life. Excellence in every area, be it at work, doing chores, or simple hobbies, is something I’ve learned from you as well. You've also been a model of generosity to the point of giving out of your lack. I saw how you love deeply and without reservations and value the relationships you've formed over the years. The example you continue to set is an inspiration that I hope your grandchildren would be privileged to appreciate. 

Thank you for validating my inner worth, showing me how the opinions of others does not define me, and that I don’t need the constant approval of people to feel confident about who I am, what I can do, and what I can offer to the world. You taught me that as long as I don’t step on other people’s toes, not intentionally offend anyone, treat others better than myself, and consider their needs above my own, I don’t have to greatly concern myself with what people think because there is no way I could please everybody. You said that there are more important things to think about such as how to live my life in a way that would please God. 

Your relationship with Tats, the way you honor, respect, serve, and love each other is something every couple should emulate. You have been through a lot together and yet you have not wavered in the commitment you have made and because of that you continue to bless all those who know about your humble beginnings as you fought against the odds together. 

As I consider my childhood in light of the present, my admiration, respect, and love for you grows. Thank you for the wisdom you have imparted over the years and the character you have helped me build. I am far from perfect and God knows how I have disappointed you (and Him) a lot of times. Some of the choices I have made may not have been the ones you've chosen for yourself but you always respected them and trusted that you have raised a woman capable of thinking for herself. You have always been relentless in your support of me. Thank you for taking God's mandate seriously and being the prayerful parent that you are. I remember and value every single advice you have given and I will continue to cherish them for as long as I have breath in me. 

And thank you for being my number one fan. I love you. 

Love, 

Ate

These children are blessed to call you grandma.