How Does It Sound?

 

Words possess an unquantifiable capacity to influence behavior, affect situations, or environmental atmospheres — I believe that. But it was not until I got married that I completely appreciated the full weight and intensity of that power. Marriage is the most intimate human relationship and the words you choose to utilize within it is transformative. 

One night, my husband and I dined out with my parents, sisters, and in-laws. The food I ordered tasted horrible and I felt compelled to throw up as a result. I didn’t say anything at the dinner table for three reasons: I didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s appetite, I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining, and it wouldn’t have changed the fact that my food tasted horrible. So I kept quiet and focused on enjoying the banter that was happening around us. 

On the drive home, my perceptive husband noticed my silence and asked, “Love, are you okay?” in the sweetest, gentlest, most tender way possible that my heart just melted. Before we left the restaurant, I was already over the fact that I didn’t enjoy my dinner; I was already okay. But even if I weren’t, his words and the way he said it would’ve made me okay in a nanosecond. 

In a marriage, words could be as powerful as your actions, behavior, or body language. Actions without words can usually communicate love resoundingly. My husband, M, doesn’t need to tell me he loves me; he shows it and makes me feel it every day. But when he says the actual words, it hits differently. As M puts it, words enhance the actions. If actions are steak, words are the sauce/gravy. They’re the ketchup on fries, or to use a more common analogy, icing on the cake.

I love how Mike hugs me and cuddles or lies very close to me when we sleep. I love how he holds my hand while walking or driving or when he kisses me on the forehead or lips or hand. I love how he smiles or gives me knowing looks across the table when we’re having dinner in a restaurant. I love how he lets me walk on the side of the road closer to the curb away from the passing cars. I love how he lets me sit on the side of the table with the better view or where the sun won’t bother my eyes. I love how he makes time to hang out or connect with me every day — even though we could only do it online for now.  I love how he slows his pace when we’re walking down stairs or hills because he knows it’s challenging for me. I love how he watches TV shows and movies or reads books with me. I love how he hangs out quietly with me in the room or on the beach or take hikes up the mountains. I love how he takes photos/videos of our travels and compiles them for YouTube or TikTok. I love how he takes me to get massages or to a salon to get our nails done together or get a foot spa. I love how he carries the heavy grocery bags or tastes the food first (because I’m a picky eater). I love how he’s sensitive to my needs and considers how his actions might affect me or how they would make me feel. I love it when he helps me make a decision about any minor or major thing with his ability to offer a different perspective and good judgment. I love it when he prioritizes me (next to God of course), our time together, and in making our marriage work.

But I also love it — in a way that makes me giddy like a teenager — when he calls me ‘my pretty wife’ or ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘love’.  I love it when he writes sweet articles on his blog, posts endearing messages on social media or compile delightful missives in a notebook. I love it when he texts me ‘good morning’ or ‘good evening’ or ‘be safe’ or when he sends text messages that make me smile, laugh, or blush. I love it when he says ‘thank you, Love’ every time I make him coffee or buy him a gift or drive for him or compliment him. I love it when he tells me about his day and how he feels about certain things. I love it when he tells me stories about his childhood or his travel adventures. I love it when he confides in me and shares his struggles, dilemmas, and uncertainties. I love it when he asks me how I am or how my day went. I love it when he asks me if I’m okay or whether I slept well. I love it when says ‘good job’ when I accomplish something — even something as trivial as make up my own joke. I love it when he shares his plans for the next day or his dreams and how he envisions our future. I love it when he prays, ‘Father, bless my beloved wife’. I love it when he says ‘you’re the only one I want to be with’ or ‘I’ll be thinking of you’ or when he says ‘I love you’ in a singularly charming manner. 

Words, I think, are essential. It’s the difference between a good marriage and an amazing one. If your husband makes you coffee every morning or does the dishes or makes the bed, you would feel the love; but there’s something about an ‘I love you’ whispered in your ear that’s absolutely magical. 

I have only been married for 73 days and what I know is based on those few days and a handful of books from our marriage preparation course; but I wonder if one of the reasons marriages go downhill after 10, 15, or 20 years is couples have taken for granted the importance and power of using words to express their gratitude, love, and appreciation for one another? Could it be because they felt it no longer necessary since they’ve been together for so long they know their spouse knows even without it being said? And could it be that when they do use words they choose the ones that criticize instead of build their partner up?

Every marriage tells a story. It could sound as beautiful as a ‘Good night, Darling. I love you’ right before you go to bed or as endearing as a ‘Good morning, Sweetheart’ when you open your eyes. How does yours sound like?