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God designed marriage and he designed the roles in it. For a marriage to function as God intended, we must first understand these roles and then apply them in our own marriage.
A husband’s role is to be the…
REASSURER.
A wife needs to be loved and cherished. She needs to feel secure and confident in her husband’s love. So she needs to be reassured of this often, verbally spoken and shown in action. This love makes her feel valued and worthy. So, husband’s say I love you often.
LEADER.
Final leadership responsibility lies with the husband. He must exercise in love the authority given to him. This brings stability to the family. The husband must the example of standing firm despite the circumstances around him. He must also receive Godly counsel and must recognize also the wisdom from his wife.
PROVIDER.
Husbands are to provide not just the physical needs of their wives and family but also for the spiritual needs. This is God’s intention. The husband is to define and make clear what Kingdom living is about. He is to be the primary source of Gospel teaching to the family. He is instrumental in bringing each family member to a saving knowledge of God and to a fullness in the Spirit. Drawing from the example of Jesus, the husband must give Godly purpose to the lives of the wife and family. Counsel and direction is given in the light of the spiritual purpose of each situation.
EXAMPLE OF GOD’S HEART.
God’s heart is always for reconciliation and restoration and the husband must demonstrate this to the family. This includes forgiving, serving, and healing. He’s to be quick and constant in forgiveness. It does not depend on the wife’s or the children’s repentance. This is because Jesus forgave before He was even asked. The husband is to be the instrument of God’s healing just as Jesus was. Therefore he must step out boldly in these areas to minister to the family.
LOVER AND PROTECTOR.
What does loving your wife as Jesus loves the church mean? Loving means being sensitive to her needs: spirit, soul, and body. When the spirit says she needs comfort, then comfort her. Minister from the Word, respond to the wife with empathy, be able to understand and making her able to share her feelings. Wives need to know they are covered by their husbands. Prevent her from feeling abandoned or alone by showing you are protecting her. As a lover be gentle and and steadfast so physical love is able to minister to her needs.
EXAMPLE OF GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY.
Like Jesus, he must take a firm, uncompromising stand against sin even when it might be easier to look the other way. As a disciplinarian he must hate the sin but love the sinner. The husband must be vigilant to keel the family’s relationship with the Lord on course. He must be able to correct areas needing correction. His exhortation must be mixed with love and encouragement. Harsh words can crush a spirit. He must edify and lift up as he charges excellence in the family. He must remember to respect and honor God-given authority if he expects his own authority to be respected.
INTERCESSOR AND WARRIOR.
As Jesus constantly intercedes for the church, he’s responsible for spiritual warfare on behalf of the family and he must let them know he’s praying for them. He must take authority over the spirits of darkness that comes against the family. God has given him the ability to be spirit-led in his discrernment of enemy activity. He will also enable the husband to discern fleshly motives in family members and others that may affect the family. The husband must call on God for wisdom in dealing in these areas and use the authority God has given him over the enemy.
A wife’s role is to be the…
SUPPORTER.
Husbands need to be respected and honored. God has given men the desire to conquer. So when a wife is supportive, he is more willing to step out. Criticism keeps a man from going forth with boldness. So a wife must respect the authority God has placed in him. She must support him in decision-making. Also, she must never take sides with the children against him.
HELPER.
Helper comes from the Hebrew word ‘to surround’. This role is not a secondary one but a vital one of surrounding a husband with support, exhortation, and comfort when needed. This is making available to the husband all the Godly qualities placed within the wife to enable the husband to lead as he has been directed. This also helps him to develop into the Godly man he is called to be.
ADMINISTRATOR.
A skillful and Godly administrator can increase and multiply that which the husband provides. She can be led by the spirit to wisely invest that which is saved so this can produce even more. As she spends time with the Lord and His word and as she seeks His face, He will instruct her regarding the prosperity of the home.
REFLECTION OF GOD’S LOVE.
Wives always have the opportunity to minister God’s love in the home and outside. Caring for the husband and the family must be a joy and reflect the attitude of a servant. She must be quick to forgive and not make a record of wrongs. Where does she draw strength for this? The enablement comes from the word of God. She must remember that her words carry the power of life or death. Words spoken must be to nurture and to love and never to destroy.
LOVER AND COMPANION.
Her first ministry is to her husband. When she does other ministries, she must be sure of God’s plan for her and that she should never neglect to minister to her husband first and then to the family. To remain well-kept and pleasing in appearance is an honor to him. The wife must show that she honors and respects her husband by giving compliments, admiring, and appreciating who he is and what he does. She must ask God to teach her to be the physical lover that her husband desires.
REFLECTION OF GOD’S CREATIVITY.
She must not compare herself to others but rather allow God to develop within her what is uniquely her. As she reflects a specific aspect of God’s personality, the ministry flowing from it will reveal this to others. As a couple, the husband and wife must flow in harmony even if they are working or ministering separately.
INTERCESSOR AND DISCERNER.
When a Godly wife intercedes for her husband, her children, and her grandchildren, she gains assurance of God’s hand in their lives. She has no fear of adversity for she exercises her authority iver the enemy in the name of Jesus. She is her husband’s chief intercessor. She is to be open to direction from the Holy Spirit during the day to alert him to his prayer needs. There is no fear over the work of the enemy in the lives of the family when she is alert to such attacks. The wife must allow the Holy Spirit to develop His discernment within her and to clothe her with the wisdom of God.
Husband’s and wives, please keep in mind that this lesson discusses your responsibility to God, not your spouse’s responsibility to you. Refrain from criticizing your spouse. Remain in faith regarding what the word says about your spouse. We must agree with God and His Word not what the enemy says. This lesson is about dual responsibility. If you are far from fulfilling your role, trust in the Lord to bring you into the fullness of it. Never receive condemnation. We are a work in progress and God is not finished with us yet.
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