What's Your Heart Like?

In times of crisis, we draw from a well of strength and faith and hope and joy that we never thought we had. However, we also discover things in our hearts that we didn't think were in there.

When this coronavirus pandemic started to make headlines in January, my first reaction was, "What's the big deal? Why are people overreacting? It's just a virus. If you're healthy, you'll survive it." But as the spread of the virus started to spike around the world and threatened to overwhelm healthcare systems everywhere, I realized that my initial reaction was misinformed. I went from "Why are we overreacting?" to "Why are we not doing more? We should go on a lockdown!" And when people I know personally (from church and at work) started getting sick and exhibited severe symptoms, I went from "I'm not scared of getting it. I'm healthy, I'll survive it!" to "Oh no! Jesus, protect me and the people I love!" My heart is fickle. 

Prior to the initiation of quarantine measures and border lockdowns, my fiancé and I were talking about travelling to Macao or Singapore in April for the spring break. We had an itinerary drafted, hotel reservations, and plane tickets booked. Up till early March, the optimist in me continued to hope that those plans would push through, that the virus would be stopped in its tracks, and all will be well. But that was before covid-19 started infecting New York city at a sickeningly fast pace and the New York governor cancelled our spring break. My heart is excitable. 

God, in His infinite wisdom, wants to expose every thing in us that does not glorify Him so that we'll become the people He's called us to be. This process of refining is not pain-free. In the past three months God has revealed so many of my weaknesses that I had to run to him for strength. He has shown me that despite my aptitude in planning and organizing, I have no control over anything. That all I can do is trust His leading. He reminded me of the ordeals I've had in the past and how He has gotten me through everyone of them despite my not knowing what's going to happen the following day. He was with me then, He will be with me through this entire season of placing not only my life, but the health and lives of my fiancé, my parents, my sisters, my niece, and nephews.

I still believe, however, that a miracle is coming: that the virus will die over the Passover season as some prophets have declared. But even if it doesn't, I have no doubt in my mind that God is very much in control and I still trust Him. With the current state that the world is in today, we have to place all of our plans in God's hands because only He knows when this storm will pass. God's timing has always been impeccable and He's never steered us down the wrong path. And that is a hope we can cling to.

What's your heart like?