Non-negotiable

“He’s rich! You can travel anywhere and money won’t be a problem.”

More than anything, I detest the notion that I need a man to indulge my material whims. I can pay for my own travel and buy my own car, thank you very much. I may not be rich by Wall Street standards but I am financially responsible. So the idea that wealth, as a sole factor, impresses me is nauseating.

My mother, who chose the best man to spend the rest of her life with, cautioned us, her daughters, against valuing a person’s net worth over his character. “Choose a man with a dream and a vision,” she said, “someone with goals and who would work diligently for them.” Money can be earned. Social status can be acquired. Looks can be enhanced. Style can be taught. But strength of character, a kindness of heart, a gentleness of being, a steadfastness of faith, a sense of humor, a sharpness of wit; these things don’t grow on trees.

Perceptions are a bit skewed these days. I’ve had conversations with people who’ve scoffed at me for setting my standards too high, or for having them at all. It’s not a wonder that some people go through more than one divorce in their lifetime. A friend once joked that a mutual acquaintance already made it through three marriages and three divorces while I have yet to find a boyfriend. We had a good laugh but it got me thinking why it’s so easy for some to go on dates with random people, marry them if they remotely check a few items on a list, say a few promises, and then break them like it’s the natural progression of things. Or am I the only one who hasn’t gotten the memo?

It may be old school but I believe it’s important to have standards. Non-negotiables, I call them; and they don’t include a diverse stock portfolio, private jets, or luxurious Carribean villas. And if no one meets them, then it’s not meant to be. Trite, though, it may seem, but I’d rather be single than compromise on my non-negotiables. I’m at a point in my life where I’m exactly where I want to be. I’m in a happy bubble and I want to be selective about who I let in it. 

What are your non-negotiables?

But if you have a dimpled, almost toothless smile like this, I may just consider throwing those non-negotiables out. Hahaha!

Disclaimer: Please don’t misinterpret my thoughts about divorce. I am by no means judging people who have gone through them. People have different stories and sometimes horrible, unimaginable, ugly, unsafe, and downright scary circumstances make the end of a marriage necessary. I’m also not judging people who are making light of marriages and divorces either. All I’m offering is an observation into our present society. No one has the right to judge because no one is perfect, least of all me.