In Stilettos

I love being a woman in this day and age. The freedom to do whatever I want and the flexibility with which to do it is a gift that I don’t take for granted. I can choose to be a wife, a mother, a career woman, or all of it. I can cry and show my vulnerability, suck it up and adjust, or be brave and come out swinging. I can paint my nails and curl my lashes on a Friday night out with friends or stay home and watch sappy RomComs in PJs while eating a bowl of ice cream by myself. I can accessorize to the nines and put on mascara or walk out of the house with just sunscreen on my face wearing shorts and sneakers. I can throw on leggings and tunics, cropped jeans and tank tops, or dresses with frills and furbelows. I can wear my hair long, short, covered with a hat, or have it all shaved off. I can even choose to charm my way out of a literal traffic jam without being vilified for it. Historically, however, not many from my gender can say the same thing. 

In the old Jewish tradition, women didn’t have much by way of choices. They were viewed as inferior. According to friends who are Jews, a rabbi started temple meetings thanking God for not making him a woman. Husbands were given the choice to divorce their wives for whatever reason; but women did not have the same option. A woman caught in adultery was stoned in public; not so a man. Why the double standard?

In modern times, discrimination against women continue to exist in orthodox religious communities. Women in some Islamic countries are required to cover their hair, faces, and bodies with hijabs and burkas, but the men are free to wear whatever they want. I have read stories of Amish women who were shunned for speaking up for themselves concerning abuses perpetuated against them because they are expected to be meek and submissive. Wives who choose to obey the biblical standard of submission are admirable, but a line needs to be drawn somewhere when any type of abuse is involved, especially when lives are endangered. And what of the men? They got nothing more than the equivalent of a slap on the wrist. Again, why the double standard?

These inequalities also permeated societies and households not too long ago. There was a period when women were not allowed to vote, have their own property, or manage their own earnings. A woman of child-bearing age was expected to get married, stay home, and take care of the kids and attend to all her husband’s needs without question. Whatever dreams she had of starting a business or pursuing a career were quashed because they didn’t fit the norms of the generation. Those who dared were viewed with disdain by other women who embraced their roles with open arms. 

This is why the Women’s Movement gained popularity in the 60s and since then feminism is steadily on the rise. The “weaker sex” has had enough of the lack of recognition for the contributions that they bring to the table and demanded to be viewed with the same criteria and given a place in society as their male counterparts; be it in corporate situations, political arenas, social status, family dynamics, or personal choices. We were created with the same inalienable God-given rights as the men after all. 

This shift, however, brought on some uncertainty and trepidation among the male population. For fear that they’d be viewed as sexist, some men took the extreme position of treating women as though they are “one of the guys”. Gone are the gentlemanly acts of opening car doors, offering a seat on the train to a pregnant woman, paying for dinner, or offering to carry something heavy. They seem to think that a woman’s quest for equality is synonymous to asking to be treated like a man; and those thoughts are valid and justified. Perhaps I’m speaking for myself and the women I know but as much as we want to be acknowledged as people who have basic human rights and needs as men, we still want to be treated like ladies. Modern women don’t expect these little acts of chivalry from men because we can do things for ourselves but it warms the heart when someone does it; although some women (and men) would rather engage in a battle of the sexes, turning everything into a competition instead of a cooperation, care and attention from the opposite sex are generally appreciated. 

These cultural and religious expectations for each of the sexes may have stemmed from the fundamental differences between men and women. The reproductive aspect alone is a major distinction. The ability to bear children and become mothers is uniquely female; the same is true for fathers. Others argue, however, that’s where the divide ends (aside from the obvious appearance attributes, of course) because the other differences could not be solely attributed to either gender. It can’t be denied that some women have been endowed with physical prowess equal to men. Several of the women I work with can lift a hundred pound child without breaking their backs. Certain emotional make-ups are expected of either sex but it can’t be ignored that generalizations in this area could not be made; after all, who can say with 100% conviction that women are more emotional than men? I know people who defy these expectations. Intellectually, both sexes would claim superiority over the other and to prove either one wrong is an exercise in futility. And although religion has defined roles for both sexes, the changing times have blurred these lines. More women are bringing home the bacon and men are tending to the children; often not by choice but out of necessity. A family is a team and certain adjustments could and must be made. So, really, to pinpoint one specific thing that each gender could particularly pride themselves with is not an easy task. 

Being a woman is fraught with challenges. Despite society’s efforts to champion women’s rights, we still hear stories of women being denied jobs, getting paid less, or not considered for a promotion because they are the wrong gender. We also still read horrible accounts of abuse in the home and harrassment in the workplace as evidenced by the Me Too Movement. Yet, despite these realities, it is a privilege to have the ability to conquer the world in a skirt and 6-inch stilettos. 

Standoff. (Photo by: Mike)