On the Wings of a Butterfly

Several have tried to bully me as a child. When I was 5 years old, the girl who sat next to me in Art class pinched me, unprovoked. I pinched her back. At 9, a girl with thin, stringy hair teased me for mine when it was cut short like a boy’s. She called me, “Sir!” each time I walked by; I called her “noodles”. She never figured that one out. For 3 years in the latter part of grade school one boy bothered me every chance he could get: pulled my hair, hid my stuff, and even called me names. Guess what I did?

When I learned that someone scratched my 5-year-old nephew’s face repeatedly and he did nothing to stop the aggression, I fumed. I wanted to go to his school and spank the little rascal who did it. No, I didn’t and, no, it wouldn’t have been right. He told his mom he’s okay and that he did not need any help. But believe me when I say I wanted to take the next flight to Cebu and do something about it. 

However, the moment I got some perspective, I thought my little nephew is on to something after all. Fight fire with fire and you’d burn an entire village down. The tooth-for-a-tooth principle may solve the problem but it has other unintended consequences. The kids who tried to bully me never succeeded in their attempts. I earned somewhat of a reputation, some street cred if you will, that no one bullies this girl. But I ended up not being friends with those kids. In fact, I sometimes wonder if I have missed an opportunity for a good friendship with any of them because I felt I had to act tough. 

I recently reconnected with the boy (now a grown man) who bothered me from 4th all the way to 6th grade. When I asked him about our spats, he laughed and said that he wasn’t trying to bully me; that was his way of being affectionate (a funny way to show some affection, if you ask me, but okay), because we were friends (even though I never thought we were). He also said that it was somehow necessary because I was “maldita” (feisty). In the end, we decided that no one bullied anyone and that we were just two friends who disagreed a lot. This story ended well. 

But not all stories end well and some could’ve had we the wisdom and the foresight, like my nephew, to respond with kindness and a lot of patience. I recently learned that he managed to befriend the girl who scratched him. Had he responded the way I did, he would’ve missed out on someone who could potentially be a lifelong friend. The ripple effects of our actions are not immediately evident. Like how the flutter of a butterfly’s wings could cause a weather disturbance in another part of the world, each decision, every word, all the little things we do, have consequences. 

People react differently to internal stressors and outside aggressors. One response is not necessarily better than the other. Several factors come into play such as the level of danger you’re in. Not all types of aggression should be tolerated. Domestic abuse, for example, should not be dealt with leniency. But in most we certainly would do well to heed Jesus’ advice when He said, “Whoever hits you on the cheek offer the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.” (Luke 6:29). 

Kahlil Gibran, an American writer and poet, said it beautifully, “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” Some of my friends who have endured bullying as children and did not feel the need to respond in like manner are the most resilient and compassionate people I know. They, in their younger years, were definitely wiser than I was. Time to play catch up.

What's the butterfly effect of kindness?